ArtStar to the rescue.

I have an out of town wedding to attend on Saturday and at 9 a.m. this muggy no air conditioning in the apartment morning, still no dress.

How I would love to show up in a summer dress from Forever 21 (BTW, what is up with the John 3:16 printed on their bags? And is 'Forever 21' a reference to the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost because 2 + 1 =3? Again, more proof that I read too much) and casual sandals. But Mr. Beer has spoken -- I must shower and look 'smokin' hot.'

Usually I am eager to comply with such requests....confession time.

It pains me but I think I've lost my shopping mojo. There was a time when I looked forward to shopping for myself and others. The hunt, the joy, the thrill of acquiring something cute made me happy. Scoring Prada pumps at the Barneys Warehouse sale = Heaven! (The day this happened I called Mr. Beer flush with excitement as if he would understand the significance of such a coup. I didn't care.) Finding the perfect vintage halter paisley gown for under $100 caused my heart to flip with delight. Double the delight because the dress has seen me through many weddings, birthday parties and barbecues. I love stuff that's versatile.

And yet, I just can't be bothered with the quest anymore.

I don't want a salesperson to chat me up. I don't want to overhear other people's conversations. There isn't an iPod loud enough to drown out the sound of certain people. I just want to get in and out with a minimum of fuss and money. Another part of me feels that ...

A digression: To me, there's a distinct and vast difference between fashion and style. For example, Gwen Stefani is fashionable; Grace Jones has style. But for this discussion, let's say they mean the same thing.

..style has been horribly co-opted by the need to connect any and every article that can go on the human body to a celebrity.

When magazines (I'm talking about you, Lucky and In Style) are touting what jeans, handbag, sweater and oh yeah, scent Jennifer Aniston rocks in the hopes that some hapless reader will act on that information, how can anyone know what's fashionable/stylish anymore? Should the shopper trust herself or some unknown fashion editor who is sticking her finger down her throat on a daily basis while conjuring up such sheeplike prose?

Without a doubt, shoppers go for the girl with the smelly finger, each and every time. And that's why I'm not trying to go shopping.

Back to my ridiculousness.

In a desperate attempt to end my shopcrastinating ways, I found myself in Anthropologie on Tuesday afternoon where I almost bought this dress. It was nice but it didn't speak to me. I was hoping to hear: I will never let your boobs pop out. I will never chafe that sweet, delicate skin at the base of your neck. I will repel red wine and always love you.

On Wednesday, I called up Bloomingdale's At Your Service and poured out my tale of self imposed woe. The person on the phone had no time for my silliness but agreed to pull together some dresses and shoes for me to see on Thursday.

On my way to the appointment, I bumped into my good friend ArtStar and explained the predicament. Of course because she's wise, patient and a world class shopper, she had the answer:

Custo Barcelona.

Clothes that I love but for some reason didn't consider during my little dress crisis. Crisis resolved because they had the dress of my dreams. Well, they had several dresses of my dreams but I couldn't go overboard. This dress said to me: Take me home.

So I did.

Stay tuned for tales of my first night in the dress.

And thanks to ArtStar for saving the day and being a shopping angel!

Ann Coulter and Elizabeth Edwards: DARVO in full effect.

Song of the day: Love is Stronger Than Pride/Sade

Elizabeth Edwards called Hardball to ask Ann Coulter to stop making personal attacks on her husband.

Be clear - She did not ask Ann to stop speaking but here's a transcript of the conversation via MSNBC that ends with Ann assuming this.



Chris Matthews: You know who's on the line? Somebody to respond to what you said Edwards yesterday morning -- Elizabeth Edwards. She wanted to call in today we said she could. Elizabeth Edwards go on the line you're on the line with Ann Coulter.

Elizabeth Edwards: Hello, Chris.

CM: You wanna say something directly to the person who's with me?

EE: I'm calling you … in the south when we -- when someone does something that displeases us, we wanna ask them politely to stop doing it. Uh - I'd like to ask Ann Coulter -- if she wants to debate on issues, on positions -- we certainly disagree with nearly everything she said on your show today -- um but uh it's quite another matter for these personal attacks that the things she has said over the years not just about John but about other candidates -- it lowers our political dialogue precisely at the time that we need to raise it. So I want to use the opportunity … to ask her politely stop the personal attacks.

Ann Coulter: OK, so I made a joke -- let's see six months ago -- and as you point out they've been raising money off of it for six months since then.

CM: This is yesterday morning, what you said about him.

AC: I didn't say anything about him actually either time.

EE: Ann, you know that's not true. And once more its been going on for sometime.

AC: I don't mind you trying to raise money. I mean it's better this than giving $50,000 speeches to the poor.

EE: I'm asking you

AC: Just to use my name on the Web pages…

EE: I'm asking you politely…

AC: … but as for a debate with me, um yeah, sure. Yeah, we'll have a debate

EE: I'm asking you politely to stop personal attacks.

AC: How bout you stop raising money on the Web page then?

EE: It didn't start it did not

AC: No you don't have cause I don't mind

EE: It did not start with that you had a column a number of years ago

AC: OK, great the wife of a presidential candidate is calling in asking me to stop speaking

CM: Let her finish the point...

AC: You're asking me to stop speaking stop writing your columns, stop writing your books.

CM: OK, Ann. Please.

AC: OK

EE: You wrote a column a couple years ago which made fun of the moment of Charlie Dean's death, and suggested that my husband had a bumper sticker on the back of his car that said ask me about my dead son. This is not legitimate political dialogue.

AC: That's now three years ago

EE: It debases political dialogue. It drives people away from the process. We can't have a debate about issues if you're using this kind of language.

AC: Yeah why isn't John Edwards making this call?

CM: Well do you want to respond and we'll end this conversation?

EE: I haven't talked to John about his call.

AC: This is just another attempt for –

EE: I'm making this call as a mother. I'm the mother of that boy who died. My children participate -- these young people behind you are the age of my children. You're asking them to participate in a dialogue that's based on hatefulness and ugliness instead of on the issues and I don't think that's serving them or this country very well.

APPLAUSE

CM: Thank you very much Elizabeth Edwards. Do you want to -- you have all the time in the world to respond.

AC: I think we heard all we need to hear. The wife of a presidential candidate is asking me to stop speaking. No.




I highlight the Blonde Shrew's final statement because she (and others like her)is using the DARVO method to sidestep accountability for her words, actions and choices.



What is DARVO?



According to the University of Oregon, DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.



DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender."



The perpetrator or offender may
Deny the behavior,
Attack the individual doing the confronting, and
Reverse the roles of
Victim and
Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim into an alleged offender.



This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility or even blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.



Sounds like anyone we know?



Even with my limited exposure to politics and politicians, I know it is not a tea party. But whatever Coulter's points about the Edwards' presidential campaign, can she make them without mocking the death of his son?



And if not, why do TV programs such as Good Morning America, Hardball and others keep having her hateful ass on their shows?



I know, I know.


Good for Elizabeth Edwards for asking for some civility from that snake. It will do no good but at least Elizabeth said something when she had the chance.

Some other activities to do to avoid watching...

...Mr. I Haven't Had My Diaper Changed Since The Civil War


interview that nasty spoiled rich woman tonight:


Happy Ending Reading Series

20070627T220000/20070628T000000

10pm

Happy Ending, 302 Broome St. Between Eldridge and Forsythe St., NY

Beyond Fierce: Photographs and Words of Black & Latino Men in the Life photo exhibit

Harriet's Alter Ego, 293 Flatbush Ave between St Mark's and Prospect Pl, Brooklyn

2007 Human Rights Film Festival
The Walter Reade Theater, 140 West 65th St., nr. Broadway, NY

Abolition '07
Hackney Museum, 1 Reading Lane, London, UK

City of London Festival
St Paul's Cathedral, London, UK

The Dirty Dozen Brass
The Troubadour, 9081 Santa Monica Blvd, West Hollywood, CA

Outfest Wednesdays - Wigstock: The Movie
Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood, CA

I Hate Hamlet
Old Creamery Theater, 39 38th Avenue, Amana, IA

Becky McMahon Karaoke
Denny's Lux Club, 3050 Asbury Road, Dubuque, IA

Meridian Symphony Orchestra
Meridian Community College, 910 Hwy 19 North, Meridian, MS


Gina Chavez, Stillpoint Band
Antone's, 213 W. 5th Street, Austin TX


Just don't affirm this parasitic celebrity culture.



*OKAY, I CAN'T STOP READING.... WHAT IS UP WITH THESE MEN KILLING THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN? IS THERE SOMETHING IN THE WATER? AND PLEASE DON'T READ THE NEW YORKER'S INSIGHTFUL YET DISHEARTENING STORY OF THE GENERAL WHO REVEALED THE ABU GHRAIB ABUSES TO THAT HATEFUL PIG DONALD RUMSFELD.


DONALD RUMSFELD SHOULD BE [REDACTED].

I've decided that I'm on information overload...

after reading about Jessie Davis' murder, the reality of Bush II's Supreme Court, fools that are extending their frat boy years into their 40s (since it's the NY Times, subscription required), Eddie Murphy's DNA and Rudolph Giuliani's failing quest to convince the Christian Right that he's kinda sorta just like them,
my head feels like it's going to explode.


So I'm going to wallow in the mindless and superficial.
After all, isn't summer the perfect time to turn your brain into cotton candy?



















My path to brain mush starts with the Shop Boyz's 'Party Like a Rock Star'!

THE FRIDAY RANT: 'Tell Your Grandfather Thanks For The Cotton Shirt'

*This post is rated MA.

This is what was uttered by the Duke Lacrosse players on the night

of lousy choices in Durham (Hat Tip: Field Negro.)

According to the post, the strippers weren't exactly giving the boys their money's worth when things took a turn into

an inspiration for a Kara Walker silhouette.

I know that the cotton shirt insult is not the worst thing the boys could have done nor does the statement merit a false rape accusation but

here's the thing that bothers me:

Why did they have to go 'there'?

Okay, they didn't get the strip show of a lifetime... all they had to do was stop the show and send the strippers home. Is there any need to resort to using one of the ugliest realities of American life as an insult?

(Yes, I know men of all races can traffic in misogyny but I'm going to be race specific on this because it is a race specific case.)

Why haven't their parents said anything about how offensively their children behaved? When will someone, ANYONE stand up and say publicly:

Listen you spoiled privilege punks, false rape accusation or not, that kind of reaction just because you didn't get your way is bullshit. Grow the fuck up and show some respect for your fellow human beings regardless of class, race and gender.

So my question is for all American white boys (the ones I've met and the ones I'm never gonna meet):

What makes some of y'all act so stank?

Sigh.

Talent is all around...

I'm biased (because they are my good buds) but these two women inspire me
with their talent, drive and....basically they are the kind of people you can spend all night talking and not feel like you wasted your time.




Gina Taufen is an actress, writer (and I hope soon) director. I love her appearance on the late WB show Pepper Dennis but I love her more when she's performing her own stuff.








Dondress is another dynamic singer-songwriter that justifies my decision to give up commercial radio. Click on the link to check out her music and beauty.

PRODUCT TUESDAY: I just returned home....

...from a party and here's what was in the goody bag:

• Mattese Pink Sand lip liner, black hair band and a 15% off coupon, compliments of Rickys NYC
• Nars Showgirl liquid eyeliner & Mounia blush
  
• Cargo Daily Gloss
• GuyLian Praline Twists
• FACE Stockholm make up bag, rose lipgloss, 25% off coupon
• Kiss Stick on Nails, &deluxe tweezer duo
  
• Nectarina Tina & Bubble Gum Betty nail polish, compliments of Dashing Diva
• Oil of Olay Definity lotion
• Clinique High Definition mascara
• Amore Pacific eye creme,vitalizing creme, treatment enzyme peel and something called skin energy
• Clinical Solutions hydrating creme
• Lola's Rediculous lip creme
  
• Tarte Sugar Daddy glistening powder
  
• A BagPal
• John Sahag Zero Weight, conditioner & shampoo
• MediaMark Spotlight Inc. pink tote

I cannot wait to play with all this new stuff!

Men who send...

...cut and paste Baby, please take me back letters should be the object of lifelong ridicule and scorn.

Can we all agree on this?

THE FRIDAY RANT: How to score an internship/job!

I should have written this in April but life kept getting in the way.

In a previous life, I managed an internship program. That experience gave me insight into the human psyche that has ruined me for years to come. At this point, I'm not surprised by anyone's antics during the internship/job hunting process. Luckily, I'm more than willing to share my interpretations of the process with everyone who visits The Unemployment Cafe.

The rant will cover four critical areas:
The Cover Letter


The Resume


The Interview


References



The Cover Letter

This is a chance to prove why I (or any other interviewer) should pick up the phone to schedule an interview.

Sit down and seriously consider the life and professional experiences that make you the right hire. The letter doesn't have to cover the time in third grade when you won a spelling bee but it should include facts* that are relevant to the job you are seeking. (Yep, I'm being super remedial because there are too many people who feel that their desire and passion should be enough.) If writing about yourself in a concise, coherent manner isn't your strongest skill, ask someone who can write for help.


What if your life/professional experiences are a mismatch for a job? Request an informational interview. Ask politely for a meeting to discuss the skills needed for the job you want.


Whatever you do, do not include in your cover letter any information about being sexually abused. Someone wrote this in a cover letter to me once. I was horrified and filled with sympathy but it didn't make me reach for the phone. To me, this information was not relevant because the job opening was not for sexual abuse victim.

Another thing to avoid is writing about how much you loathe your current job and hope this is the opportunity you seek. That type of desperation will cause me to email my friends, laughing at the lack of discretion.



The Resume

There are four ways to approach a resume: functional, chronological, combination and targeted.

I recommend test marketing all four to see which resume format yields quality interviews. If you don't have the time for that, please seek out family, friends who are content with their careers for their opinion. If you are in school, visit your career counseling center. In my opinion, a career counseling center is a resource --- not a place that owes you a mentor, a job and/or a fully realized career path.

Once you decide on the format that works for you, be compelling about what you do (or did) and your accomplishments. It's not bragging when it's true. As an interviewer, I want to see resumes with a narrative thread explaining why a person took a certain job or decided to pursue additional responsibilities in a job. Those are the resumes that make me say I'm intrigued--I need to meet this person this week.


The Interview

A fantastic cover letter and resume is the pre-show; the interview is the main event.

Do homework on the place where you want to spend 10-35 hours a week. Study the workplace culture. If you can, ask the friends of friends to find someone who is on the inside. Most people are helpful in these scenarios. The ones who aren't, forget about them.

My suggestion is to be hyper-informed before you even step into the building. Meeting some jackass who could care less about why they were sitting in front of me is what I resented most about the interviewing process. I hate a lot of things (pleated pants for men, tuna burgers, professional martyrs) but the number one thing I hate is WHEN PEOPLE WASTE MY TIME. If you know you aren't interested or prepared, cancel. It's not the end of the world.

References

Take good care to have people who like you and want to see you succeed on your professional/personal references list. What makes a person a good reference? The willingness to communicate.

Whether I contact references via email or phone, I expect to hear feedback within three business days barring any unforeseen circumstances. I do the same when I am contacted for a reference because I do not want to be a logjam between someone and their next paycheck. I'm not here for that type of foolishness.


This is a starting point on how to approach internship/job hunting from someone who has been on the decision making side. If anyone has detailed questions, please use the comments section.



* Facts are preferred over bald faced lies except if you want to work for the Bush administration.

I don't listen to the radio anymore...

...when I want to listen to music, I have Mr. Beer's vinyl collection, an iPod and local musicians for my listening pleasure.

A few Saturdays ago, Mr. Beer and I stopped into Le Grand Dakar and caught The Rhonda Denet Project performing.

Rhonda and her band have to be heard to be believed. Covers. Original songs. Rhonda can do it all. They completely justify my reason for bypassing the radio and videos.

If you are curious, the Rhonda Denet Project will be performing again at Dakar this Saturday.

If you are super curious, visit Rhonda Denet Music.

And I didn't go to the Barack Obama benefit on Saturday. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans for me that night. Will scout for other Obama events to attend.

Song of the day: 'Memories' by Joi

"If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know and if you don't know..

...it's probably better you don't judge. You don't know the hold our mothers have on us, even the ones that are never around - especially the ones that are never around. What it's like to be the perfect Dominican daughter, which is just a nice way of saying a perfect Dominican slave. You don't know what it's like to grow up with a mother who never said anything that wasn't negative, who was always suspicious, always tearing you down and splitting your dreams straight down the seams."

That is an excerpt from Junot Diaz's short story 'Wildwood' which is featured in The New Yorker's Summer Fiction issue.

Unfortunately, it is not online but please, please read it. I feel funny saying that....who am I but some girl with a blog? I'm not a literary genius who is woefully under appreciated. I'm not an artiste. Definitely, not a tastemaker.

I'm just someone who was incredibly moved by a short story about a girl and her mother on a muggy summer night.

Maybe you will be moved, too.

What a difference a day makes.

Blogging through a vicious hangover, thanks to Judge Michael Sauer asserting his authority to send Paris Hilton back to jail and attending a very fun graduation party at Bar Sepia.

What have the last 24 hours taught me at the Cafe:

I finally agree with that squawking CNN shrew, Nancy Grace, on something.
Scary, right?



Kathy Hilton is one deluded mama!



Sheriff Lee Baca, who is overflowing with sympathy for Ms. Hilton and her 'medical condition', has
some 'splaining to do.


I wonder what's going to happen to Nicole and Eve?


I hope a DJ mixes Paris screaming 'It's not right' and 'Mom' into a techno song. That would be so hot!


I am grateful for the Paris story because it is a distraction from this, this and this.


Now, I'm going to find a juicy burger and super greasy fries to eat.

THE FRIDAY RANT: Blonde Justice...

Three days? From 45 days to 23 days to three days.

I can't write a lot right now but
three days?

So maybe the next time she drives drunks with a suspended license, she might have to maim or kill someone for the authorities in LA to want her blonde azz to be punished?

Even Al Sharpton is upset!

Will write more later.

What I'm doing on Saturday night...

Not an endorsement, more of an exploratory exercise. Stay tuned...

I like these questions...

from New York magazine's interview with Robin Givhan,
I decided I wanted to play, too.



Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Holly Golightly

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York? Daisy Mae's BBQ USA

Where do you get your coffee?
Choice or Grand 275, if I'm too lazy to walk to Choice.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway? Grey Gardens and it was fabulous. Christine Ebersole's pure talent is awe-inspiring and joyful.

Do you give money to panhandlers? Sometimes.

What's your drink? Champagne or prosecco, if I'm on a date. Jack & Coke, everywhere else.

How often do you prepare your own meals? 2-3 times a week. I like to experiment with recipes.

What's your favorite medication?
Doctor administered Benadryl. This Benadryl makes all the pain go away. I've only had the experience once due to a bad reaction to shellfish.

What's hanging above your sofa?
A photograph of Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. The joys of living with a boy who loves sports.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
To me, it is relative. If you can afford it, there isn't too much. Spend your money! Now if a person is working as a cashier, can barely afford rent but must have a $300 haircut because that's what he or she sees on Sex and the City or in a music video, something is definitely wrong.

When's bedtime? 11 p.m. during the week; 2 a.m. on weekends.

Brunch: pro or con? I love brunch at a friend's house. Going out for brunch reminds me of just how pretentious and spoiled some New Yorkers can be.

What's your thread count? Who has time to worry about thread count when other bedtime activities beckon?

What do you hate most about living in New York? The chasm between rich and poor. The rapacity of the wealthy and elite. And the uneasy feeling that it's all okay.

What's your brand of jeans?
Old Navy!

When's the last time you drove a car?
Last summer. I'm going to learn how to drive a stick shift this summer, though.

Who should be the next president?
Prince. Imagine the Inaugural Balls!

Times, Post, or Daily News?
Daily News

Yankees or Mets?
Mets. Mets. Mets.

What makes someone a New Yorker? It's the ineffable ability to get what you want when you want it how you want it. No matter what the obstacles, odds or challenges, New Yorkers get it done. You got something to say about that?

I love this idea...

Vote for your #1 song from your teenage years!

THE FRIDAY RANT resumes next week.

It's taking a little break because I am not Star Jones doesn't have the ability to write calmly about what's enraging her this week. A post filled with #^%$*%*&()_)%!#$!#$! does nothing for me or visitors to the Cafe.


Instead, here are some new websites that I fell in deep like with this week:


Musicovery.com - It's an online radio that chooses music to fit your mood from every genre possible. The mood choices include Energetic (perfect when I have to gear up to do some detestable household chore), Positive (good for keeping the Blue Meanies away), Calm and Dark (I know nothing about this mood.)


Their Circular Life - Want a visual and aural document of a day in the life of the railroad station in Modena, Italy? Or Venice? Check this out.


Become Republican - a comic book on how to have a much happier existence as a Republican. It shows you how to build a Republi-Kit, let's you choose what kind of Republican you want to be (I'm torn between Religious 'Jesus Loves You and is going to kill you' Republican and Sheep 'Terrorists Just Hate Freedom' Republican) and how to feel about the environment, among other things.


This made me howl.


foodieview -a recipe search engine for all the cooking and baking I do.


Check them out and let me know what you think in comments.